The Darnassian Cheese Conspiracy

Something is afoot in the night elven treetops. Something fishy, nay, rotten. You know about Darnassian Bleu? No, not a newbie night elf on a French realm. I’m talking about the cheese.

So you have this national food there, obviously a recent creation since Darnassus didn’t exist until after good ole’ Archimonde decided to light the World Tree’s fire. Undoubtedly an attempt of a couple of enterprising Night Elven cheese mongers to create a palatal delight helping their sorry race to get over a certain amount of bad things which had been happening to them recently. And so the national, or perhaps should I say factional cheese entered the market.

Except that since then, dark powers have come into play. And you can’t just scoff at yet another whacky conspiracy theory, I have evidence of evil doings around the Darnassian Bleu:

• Did you know that you cannot actually buy Darnassian Bleu anywhere on Teldrassil?
• Did you know that you will find the night elven national cheese mostly when rummaging in the backpacks of very shady people (once you have killed them of course, which I recommend you do before the rummaging thing, unless you are a rogue of course)? Including the Defias, the Scarlet Crusade, the wretched Kul Tiras threatening the shaky truce between alliance and horde, and Venture & Co. henchmen?

Imagine that. The first official national dish prepared for the treetops are now denied to the night elven tables while they find their way into the meals of some of the most despicable enemies of the alliance. A honest (ok, that’s a stretch. Ratshag would go berzerk at me if I left it at that). A relatively decently not-too-dishonest sly night elf would have to travel all the way to Stormwind to get his grubby blue hands before even tasting the thing.

Which begs the questions, who exactly is quietly doing away with the Teldrassian cheese production in secret? Who ensures every single loaf of the yellow delicacy is sold off to export? And why are some of the most despicable specimen of humans so hot for night elven cheese?

Innkeeper Keldamyr might be able to provide a clue. While he doesn’t sell Darnassian Bleu to his patrons, he hands some pieces out to people ferrying around some herbs. Who are his suppliers and why is he getting cheese nobody else has access to? This, esteemed readers, is the question begging for answers. I demand an investigation, I demand answers. And if I don’t get them, we shall have to extract it by force.

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